


A wedding, Philip, keep up

by Thistley



Category: Travelers (TV)
Genre: AA meetings, Accidental Self-Harm, Addiction, Addiction recovery, Best he can, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Character Death, Nightmares, Philip gets shot again, Philip tells Ray the truth, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 05:37:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19805833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thistley/pseuds/Thistley
Summary: It’s not easy being a traveler and it’s not easy being an addict, but it’s a lot easier when someone is by your side.Ray Green is everything Philip Pearson (3326) needs. Philip Pearson is everything Ray Green wants.Maybe it really is that simple.





	1. Chapter 1

“We’ve been what?” Philip asked Ray, staring blankly.

“Invited to a wedding, Philip, keep up.” Ray handed him an envelope with ‘Philip Pearson’ written in script on the front. 

Philip opened the envelope to reveal a creamy sheet of card inviting him to the wedding of “Jolene Morgan and David Evans”. 

“Jolene?” Philip asked, face scrunching up in confusion.

“From AA.” Ray rolled his eyes and pushed Philip from out of the middle of the pavement as a family tried to pass. “Sorry,” he mumbled to them.

Philip hit the wall with his back, still staring at the invitation. “I’ve never been to a wedding,” he mumbled. 

Ray clapped his shoulder and grinned. “There’s always time for a first! Do you have something to wear?”

Philip closed one eye in thought. “Uh...I have a funeral suit?” He offered. 

Ray shook his head. “Nah, you can’t wear that. You’re a medium, right? Text me your size anyway, I’ll sort something.” He eyed Philip critically. “I have an idea.”

Philip eyed him warily. “Should I be worried?” 

Ray grinned. “Never.”

**

Philip was quite sick of getting shot. This time wasn’t even his fault, he was just on the streets and a bullet decided to embed itself in his torso.

He winced in pain as he shifted to stand and walk over to Poppy’s tank.

“Hey girl,” he murmured. He sucked air through his teeth and closed his eyes as a specifically harsh movement jostled his wound. “You’re lucky you’ve never been shot.

He watched Poppy tumble around her home, munching on greenery, and a small smile spread over his face. 

“You know, I think that turtle is one of the best ideas I’ve ever had,” a voice said from the doorway. 

Philip jerked upright and spun around (wincing at the sudden stretch) to see Ray leaning against the doorway, a bag in hand. 

“Ever heard of knocking?” Philip asked as he jerked his head to welcome Ray in.

“Ever heard of locking the door?” Ray shot back. He put the bag down on Philip’s desk and perched himself on the one area not overtaken by a mess of computers and sweets. “I got your suit,” he began.

Philip caught the bag with ease and peered inside. 

“Are you going to try it on?” Ray asked.

Philip raised an eyebrow. “What, now?”

“We’re both men,” Ray smirked. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. Also, I’ve seen you throwing up from withdrawal so it can’t get worse than that.”

Philip shrugged. “Alright.”

He fished out the suit from the bag and hung it up on a convenient hook. At the bottom of the bag was a blue, silky material and Philip picked it up wordlessly. It was a satin shirt, button up, completely midnight blue. He raised an eyebrow at Ray who just shrugged.

Painfully, Philip stood and pulled off his shirt, fully intending on shimmying on the new one before Ray could question the big, white gauze. Unfortunately for him, the shirt got tangled on his arm and Ray looked over as he cursed.

“What the fuck, Phil?”

Philip paused his battle to glance at Ray, who’s eyes had strayed to his bare chest. Philip followed his eyes and saw the gauze. He winced.

“Right, yes, that...”

Ray strode towards him to catch his gaze. “What the hell happened?”

“I got shot,” he replied.

There was a moment of dead silence.

“I’m sorry?” Ray asked.

Philip continued to fight his way into the shirt. “I got shot.” He pulled the shirt on finally and let it hang unbuttoned for a few moments.

“How?” 

“He wasn’t aiming for me, I was in the way. Surprised you didn’t hear, actually, it was right outside the FBI bureau,” Philip answered vaguely.

“I heard someone got shot,” Ray said. “Didn’t realise it was you.” He glanced down again. “You all good?”

Philip nodded. “It hurts, but I’m all right. They left the bullet in.”

“Yeah, it’s usually safer that way unless it found its way into an organ,” a voice said from the doorway. 

Philip and Ray looked up to see Trevor saunter through the door and make his way inside. 

“Bad time?” Trevor asked, clocking the unbuttoned shirt and serious expressions. 

“No, no, you’re fine, Trev,” Philip said as he began to deftly button up his shirt. 

“Wait, wait,” Ray said just as Philip buttoned the top button. Gently, he unbuttoned the top two buttons. “Better.”

Philip felt his face heat a little as Ray undid the buttons, mind wandering. He let his gaze move and caught Trevor standing, still staring. He raised an eyebrow and Trevor held his hands up in surrender.

Philip strayed away to change into the charcoal black suit. “So, what brings you here, Trevor?”

Trevor simply threw himself down on the sofa and unconsciously touched his cheek where a bruise was starting to blossom. “Need somewhere to crash again.”

Ray settled down on the sofa next to him. “Your dad do that?” He asked, gesturing to the bruise.

Trevor stilled momentarily. “...yeah.”

“You could report him for that, you know.” Ray peered at him, concerned.

Trevor shook his head. “It’s only happened twice, it’s no big deal.”

“You never told me that, Trev,” Philip said. He walked to face Trevor and Ray and did a twirl. “So, what do we think?”

Philip was wearing a dark grey - charcoal - suit, unbuttoned, and dark formal shoes. His silky shirt was still unbuttoned slightly and a hint of a silver necklace showed in the gap. He had tucked part of his hair behind his ear, allowing the silver hoop to glint in the artificial light.

“I didn’t realise you had an earring,” Trevor said. 

“Uh, yeah,” Philip said. “I was actually thinking of getting another.”

“You look good,” Ray said. “See, I told you there was no need to be worried.”

Philip laughed and sat down next to him, throwing an arm over the back of the sofa. “Yeah, yeah. No need to brag.”

“Hey, what’s this for, anyway?” Trevor asked from beside them.

“We’ve been invited to a _wedding_.” 

Trevor raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know you knew enough people to be invited to a wedding,” he said.

“Thanks, Trev. It’s a woman from my meetings.”

“How are those going, by the way?” He asked carefully.

From the corner of his eye, Philip saw Ray turn attentively to hear his answer. “They’re going well. I’m up to 24 hours.”

Philip got up and pulled off the suit jacket, hanging it up and working on the buttons of his shirt. He saw Trevor and Ray look at the gauze as he pulled his regular oversized shirt over his head and tried to avoid catching their eyes. 

“Alright, Phil,” Ray said, standing up to perch on his desk again. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but remember to wash your hair.”

Philip nodded. “Right.”

Ray paused. “You...have a shower here, right?”

Philip busied himself folding the clothes back into the bag. “Yeah, yep, a shower.”

“Phil.” Ray sounded serious.

Philip closed his eyes and let his hair fall in his face. “I’ll, uh, I’ll go to...I’ll go to Carly’s. I’ll meet you...I’ll meet you...where are we meeting?” He felt his hands twitch and willed it down.

“Alright,” Ray said gently. “Tell you what: I’ll pick you up from here and you can get ready at my house, shower included. I have a hairdryer, don’t worry.” 

Philip smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Ray. Text me the details.”

Ray stood up and patted his thighs. “I will.” He grabbed the bag and made to leave, waving at Phillip. He left and momentarily popped his head back around the door to point at Trevor. “If your dad gives you trouble again, I know people who will happily beat him up.” He flashed a thumbs up and then was gone, door shutting behind him.

Philip blinked and threw himself down on the sofa beside Trevor. Trevor pulled a hand up to beneath his ear, where his comm was, and pressed.

“Alright guys, all clear.”

Philip turned to face the door as it opened and MacLaren, Carly and Marcy filed in.

“Hey guys,” Phillip said.

“Any word from The Director?” MacLaren asked in the absence of a greeting.

“Well, hello to you too,” Philip mumbled under his breath. “Nothing. Not a word.”

“Alright,” MacLaren sighed. “Protocol 5 resumes, I suppose.” He sulked off to a corner of the garage and after a couple of moments Carly followed him, completely in indiscretion.

“Hey, Philip. That’s good, means you won’t miss your wedding,” Trevor said in his ever-present croaky voice.

“Wedding?” Marcy asked, sitting beside Philip. “What wedding?”

“Someone from my meetings is getting married and invited me and Ray,” he said. 

“Philip has a very nice suit,” Trevor added. 

“Can we see?” Marcy asked.

Philip smiled tightly. “Sorry, Marce. Ray has it.”

“Oh. Well, you’d better show us a photo.”

Philip laughed and patted her knee. “I’m sure someone will take one.”

**

“Okay guys,” Philip said, patting his pockets for the nth time. “Remember, only phones. And only call if it’s an emergency, I really don’t want to have to bail.”

“Chill out,” Carly said. “You look stressed to all hell.”

Philip took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes momentarily. “Ray should be here in five minutes.” He checked his watch. “Although, this is Ray, so maybe more like 10.”

He sat down at his desk and took a few deep breaths. Across the way, Trevor fiddled with the spare key that Philip had given him ‘just in case’. 

“I don’t know why I’m so stressed,” Philip mumbled. 

“Weddings aren’t really a big deal,” Marcy soothed. “I’ve been to a few, and it’s mostly people getting drunk and cake.”

“Dry wedding. I just really don’t want to show myself up, especially in front of Ray,” Philip said.

“Philip. Ray has seen you high on heroin and throwing up from withdrawal. I don’t think anything can show you up now,” Marcy said seriously.

Philip stared. “I’m not sure how to take that.”

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he scrambled to check it.

_Ray Green: I’m outside_

Philip stood and squeezed his phone back into his pocket. “Alright, I’m going now. Don’t wreck the place, don’t forget to lock it and no comms.”

“Yes, Mom,” Carly called after him.

Philip shut the door and walked briskly to where Ray was waiting in his car. He sat heavily in the passenger seat.

“Are you alright?” Ray asked as he began to drive them.

“Uh-huh. Just...not great with social events.”

“Eh, don’t worry. I’ll be there,” Ray said comfortingly.

**

Ray’s house was nicer than Philip expected. He stared as they climbed out of the car and made their way up the small porch steps and through the front door.

The living room was pretty regular looking, comfy-looking grey sofas and a decently sized TV on the wall. 

Ray pulled him towards the stairs and pointed up. “Bathroom is the door right at the top. Use anything that’s out, there’s clean towels. Suit is in my room, it’s just to the left of the bathroom. Hairdryer is in there too. Call if you need a hand.”

Philip nodded silently and slipped his boots off before padding upstairs. The landing was quite plain, painted a soft yellow. He pushed open the bathroom door to reveal a quaint, blue-themed room. He locked the door behind him and turned on the shower to warm up, collecting a variety of hair and body products on the way and dumping them beside the shower.

He quickly stripped and stood inside, letting the warm water soak his hair. The process of washing it was actually quite therapeutic, he thought. The warm water washed away weeks of grime and grease and soothed the ache from the gunshot.

He stepped out after a thorough cleanse and rubbed his hair dry with the towel before drying his body and wrapping it around his waist. 

The mirror was cloudy and he rubbed a circle. The face that looked back at him - his face, he had to remind himself - seemed...happier, almost. 

Philip gathered his clothes and left for Ray’s bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and he pushed it open slowly. Inside, Ray was stood in front of a full length mirror concealed inside a wardrobe. He had a loose white shirt unbuttoned and was seemingly messing around with his hair. He looked up when the door creaked and Philip entered nervously. 

Ray smirked. “You look like a drowned rat,” he joked.

Philip sent him an unamused glare. “Thank you so much for that.”

Ray pointed to a bag on the bed that took up a considerable amount of space in the room. Ray’s room was...surprisingly impersonal. Shades of grey and a basic red bedsheet. A potted plant. Cream blinds at the window, half open. 

“Should I dry my hair first or after?” Philip wondered out loud. 

Ray paused from where he had begun to button up his shirt. “Uh, first, probably. Hairdryer is in a basket under my desk.”

Philip turned to the orange-stained wooden desk and dropped to his knees to rummage in the basket. A black hairdryer was buried at the bottom and Philip pulled it out, plugged it in and began to dry his hair. It was a weird sensation, one he hadn’t felt in a while, since his last few host bodies had short hair. 

He could hear Ray behind him as he opened and closed drawers and hummed slightly. 

“Your hair is very blonde,” he heard from behind him. 

Philip turned off the hairdryer to put it away and hummed in response. “Is it?”

“Yeah. Looks nice, though.”

Philip stood and smiled slightly before moving to the bag on the bed and changing into the suit. He was just doing up the top button in front of the mirror when he heard a tut and saw Ray’s reflection beside his. 

“Top two buttons, Phil.”

“Right,” Philip replied, carefully undoing the top two buttons. He shrugged on the suit jacket and joined the clasp of his necklace before carefully shutting the wardrobe door and turning to see Ray.

Ray was wearing a nicer suit than his work one. It was black, with a simple white shirt made of a very soft looking material. He’d also left the top two buttons undone and Phillip had to admit that it suited him. He, also, had opted for no tie to make it a slightly more casual look. 

“You look nice,” Philip said. 

Ray smiled. “Come on, time to go.”

**

The venue was lovely, Philip had to admit. It was a classic Christian church venue for the actual wedding and he and Ray had slipped in on the bride’s side of the pews. Whoever had been in charge of decorations had done a wonderful job. He’d recognised a handful of other people from the meetings, and of course Jolene and David. They’d come to greet them as soon as the reception began and Jolene had even said he “cleaned up well”. 

Which was a compliment and a half considering how she looked.

Ray, true to his word, had stuck beside Philip the whole time, cradling a champagne glass full of orange juice. Neither of them knew the family and were attempting to edge their way over to where Sarah from the meetings was chatting to an unknown cousin of sorts when they were cornered.

“Hello!” A cheery voice said as a voice patted Phillip in the shoulder.

“Hi,” Philip said, trying to be on his best behaviour. A young woman, maybe mid-20s, was stood in front of them. Her glass was empty and hanging upside down by her side and her red dress had an obvious spill on it. 

“I’m Eloise. Bride’s side.” She stuck her hand out to shake. 

Philip shook her hand and noticed she retracted it before Ray even got the chance to react.

“I’m Philip. Jolene’s friend. This is Ray.” He gestured to Ray who was a step behind him. 

Ray stuck a hand up in a wave. Eloise ignored him.

“Lovely to meet you, Philip. Would you like a drink?”

Philip gestured to his almost full glass. “I already have one.”

He could feel Ray’s presence behind him, who seemed to be getting twitchy. 

Eloise’s laughed and then lowered her voice. “Did you know that Jolene invited some of her addict support group?”

Philip felt his stomach sink. 

Eloise continued without a care. “Just imagine, junkies and addicts in a Christian venue. Lowlifes, the lot of them.”

Philip risked a glance to Ray and saw his lips pressed into a thin line. He moved closer to Philip until his hand was on his waist and his lips at his ear.

“Do you want to get away from her?” He whispered.

Eloise was still talking away and Philip nodded jerkily. He felt the hand leave momentarily and then...

“Jolene! Hey!” Ray exclaimed.

Philip turned and saw her advancing towards them. 

“Ray! Philip! I see you’ve met my sister Eloise.” To the untrained eye, Jolene seemed happy enough, but Philip could hear the distaste when she said her sister’s name.

“Yes,” Philip bit out. 

“Well, it was lovely to meet you Eloise, but I’m afraid Philip and I are needed over there.”

Jolene nodded along. 

Eloise simpered a sweet goodbye to Philip before Ray grabbed his wrist and pulled him away. Jolene followed beside them.

“So sorry about that,” she said. “Eloise isn’t the most tolerant of people”.

Philip snorted. “Yeah, I noticed.”

He also noticed that Ray hadn’t released his wrist yet. It was a comforting, grounding weight that he relished in. 

They stopped walking when they reached the buffet table. Jolene waved goodbye and left Ray and Philip behind.

To occupy himself, Philip took a sip of his orange juice. “I forgot how good this was,” he murmured to Ray as he took another sip. 

“That’s probably because you live on coke and Twinkies,” Ray smirked from beside him. 

Philip opened his mouth to argue and clicked it shut when he realised he couldn’t. He watched Ray chuckle at his reaction and he began to smile too, gazing at Ray.

Unseen by both of them, the hired photographer snapped a photograph.

**

“I’m so glad you both came,” Jolene said. Philip smiled into a hug and Ray grinned beside them. 

“Our pleasure,” Philip said as Jolene moved on to hug Ray. He found himself face to face with David.

“Thank you for coming, Philip,” David said, holding out a hand. 

Philip shook it and smiled. 

“Although, you could have brought a +1, you know. Your invitation included one,” David continued. 

“I didn’t need to, the person I’d have brought was already invited.” Philip jerked his head towards Ray. 

David smiled. “Of course.”

After a series of goodbye hugs and careful dodging of the sister Eloise, Ray and Philip were back in the car and on the way home.

It was at this point that Ray seemed to get nervous and he kept glancing at Philip, the road, and back at Philip.

“You okay?” Philip asked.

“I was wondering if you wanted to stay at my house tonight,” Ray said quietly. 

Philip glanced towards him. 

“I mean you have to come back for your clothes anyway, and then it’ll be late, so...” Ray trailed off nervously and glanced at Philip. He was seemingly not expecting to meet gazes and his eyes looked down sharply.

“I’d love to.” Philip smiled slightly and gazed at Ray, who simply smiled in response before glancing at the road again and pressing the radio to blare some rock music.

**

The sky was turning dusk when they arrived back at Ray’s house. He unlocked the door and stepped inside, flicking on a light switch as he went. Philip toed off his shoes and followed Ray into the living room. Soft yellow light flooded into the room, illuminating the comfortable looking couch and the unbelievably soft looking blanket and pillow Ray had retrieved from somewhere. Just looking at the makeshift bed made Philip realise just how tired he was.

Ray threw a top and some shorts at Philip. “You can sleep in these.”

Philip caught them and nodded sleepily, quickly changing and immediately flopping onto the sofa.

The blanket was as soft as it looked.

Ray smiled softly and turned off the lights, plunging the room into a comfortable darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray has a kid, right? I feel like I remember something about a kid and a car.
> 
> Also I’m throwing canon out the window. Get fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you want to see anything specific, canon divergent or not.

Philip could hear his own voice echoing, quotes bouncing around the empty room, a manic laugh filling his head, his ears, his whole mind. It was as if the walls were moving in on him.

His veins burned. Hazy, unfocused. 

He could see an IV. Someone had injected him. Why had they...what had they...Oh.

His mind protested - you were clean! - but his body ignited, the sweet relief that he was so ashamed to admit to. The TV static was getting louder and louder and the questions were getting blurrier and blurrier. He needed this.

He could feel himself slipping. Panicking, he tried to fight, but his limbs wouldn’t co-operate. His hair was stringy in his eyes and he was going...going...going... 

He could see Stephen, his face grotesque and decayed, animals climbing in him and Philip tried to scream and cry, to move as he advanced and the worms got closer and closer, maggots falling from his decaying flesh onto his restrained arms...

Philip woke up screaming. He jerked upright, nails on his arms, scratching at the phantom feeling of maggots and worms on his skin. He gagged and tried to stumble upright only to get his legs caught in a blanket and fall heavily, head knocking on the coffee table. Vaguely, he heard footsteps and panicked more.

“No, please!” He whispered. His voice sounded pathetic even to his own ears. “No, no, no, no...”

He began to rock slightly, hands shaking. His entire body was coated in a sheen of cold sweat, hair dangling in rats tails. 

He could feel the phantom crawling. “Please...please get them off!”

He registered a sudden wetness on his arms but ignored it, scratching deeper and harder until a hand grabbed him. 

Philip looked upwards and saw a shadowed figure before him. “Please...leave me alone,” He choked.

The room filled with light. Philip heard a voice coach him to breath and he tried to follow, recognising it somewhere in his mind. The voice was Safe.

Philip looked up once his breathing was under control. Ray was sat on the floor beside him, face a picture of worry and fear. Philip took a deep breath and felt a sting in his arms.

They were bloody. He’d shredded his arms in his nightmare-fuelled fear. 

Ray had bloody hands from where he’d been trying to stop Philip from scratching himself.

“Ray?” Philip asked, voice croaky.

“Yeah, yeah it’s me. Let’s get you back on the sofa.”

Philip nodded and allowed himself to be hauled upwards and plonked onto the sofa. He shivered.

Ray sat down slowly next to him and raised a hand, slowly so that Philip could see him, and turned his chin towards him. “We need to clean your arms,” he said.

Philip nodded. “In a minute. Please.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Philip calming his breathing and Ray sitting close, a hand on his shoulder.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“Nightmare,” Philip choked out.

Ray nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Philip was silent for a moment until he slowly rested his head against Ray’s shoulder and shut his eyes. “It won’t make sense unless you know the context.”

“So tell me the context,” Ray whispered.

Philip opened his eyes momentarily to meet Ray’s. “You won’t believe me.”

“Tell me anyway.” Ray was almost inaudible.

Philip sighed and rested against Ray again. “It was a few months ago, just before you bought me Poppy. I was in a car wreck. When I woke up, I was in a wheelchair. I had an IV, a catheter. And I was in the dark, empty room, except for this old TV. A person wheeled me out and I was in a cage with...the other people in the wreck.”

Ray tightened his hold on Philip. 

“He injected something into my IV. Heroin, and something else.” Philip shook his head. “I still don’t know what. It set back my recovery by a fucking lot.”

A sob escaped his mouth and he tried to stifle it. 

“You were abducted? Why didn’t you report it?” Ray whispered. His voice sounded thick.

“I’ll explain that another time. In my dream...I was back in the room. Except this time, it was enough heroin for me to overdose. I saw Stephen, all decomposing with worms and maggots and they were on me, but I was restrained again and couldn’t get free...” He felt himself begin to hyperventilate again.

Ray pulled him closer until Philip’s head was in his lap. He wiped away a tear that had started to snake down Philip’s cheek. “I believe you,” He murmured. “I believe you.”

And there Phillip lay, tears gently falling, until the sun rose and the tears dried.

** 

Ray was woken by the sound of a phone ringing. Confused, he blearily rubbed his eyes and saw a vibrating phone on the table. Philip’s. He didn’t look like he was about to move any time soon, so Ray plucked the phone from the table.

Incoming call: Trevor Holden

<<>>

Ray swiped right.

“Hello?”

“Hey...where’s Philip?”

“Asleep. Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” The voice stilled for a moment. “Philip didn’t mention sleeping anywhere.”

“Last minute decision,” Ray said smoothly.

“Right. Well I just wanted to know if he needs me to feed Poppy or not before I go to school.”

Ray hummed. “You’re probably good. Throw a couple of crickets in there for her but I think she’s alright.”

“Okay,” Trevor said. “Okay, I have to go. Bye.”

The line clicked. Ray put the phone down and took advantage of Philip’s sleepy state to gently examine his arms. 

The blood was long dry and beginning to flake, but it was quite thoroughly caked on. Several bloody crescent shapes were dotted around and several deep scratches. Some raised skin showed the scratches that hadn’t broken the skin and criss-crossed over healing track marks.

Ray examined his face. Tried tear tracks covered his cheeks but his lips were ever so slightly upturned as he rested on Ray’s lap. 

He tried to sit and still as possible as he mulled over the events of last night. It was the first time he’d seen Philip so...genuinely frightened. Ray would’ve believed him anyway but the sheer terror was enough to make his story unquestionable.

Philip shuffled on Ray’s lap and his instincts kicked in as Philip unceremoniously rolled off his lap. Ray caught his head before he hit the floor and ended up hovering over him as Philip blearily opened his eyes.

“Ray?” He asked, looking confused.

Ray hoisted him back onto the sofa and slid so there was some distance between them. He cleared his throat.

“We should probably clean your arms up.”

Philip glanced down at his arms and seemed surprised to see the maroon-caked skin. “Right, yeah,” he said. “Do you have a first aid kit?”

Ray was stood and making his way to the door before Philip even asked. “Yeah, it’s in here,” he called.

Ray reached to the shelf where he kept the first aid kit and pulled it down before opening a drawer and pulling out a clean cloth, wetting it under the tap and wringing it out. 

He stopped in the doorway for a moment and watched Philip as he examined his arms with morbid curiosity. It wasn’t until Philip began to pick at the wounds with his nails that Ray briskly walked into the room. 

“C’mon,” he said, sitting down and pulling Philip’s arm into his lap. He wiped gently at the dried blood until the cloth was red and his arm was clear.

“They’re pretty superficial,” Ray said, gently turning it arm in the light. “I’ll clean them but they probably don’t need bandaging.”

Philip hummed as Ray opened the kit and ripped open an alchohol wipe.

They sat in silence as Ray cleaned them, the only thing showing that Philip could even feel the sting being the odd twitch of his eyes. 

Ray tidied away after patting his arm dry and smiled. “All done. They aren’t that bad so you should be fine.”

Philip examined his arm again and nodded, seemingly agreeing.

Ray stood and readied himself to leave the room before pivoting on his heel. “By the way, your friend Trevor called this morning about feeding Poppy. No big deal but I thought I’d let you know.”

Philip grimaced. “Shit, I forgot to tell him I’d be sleeping here.”

“You should probably call him, let him know you’re alive.” 

**

Ray went to nudge the door open with his knee, two mugs in his hand, before freezing at the sound of faint talking. Ray presses his ear to the door and listened intently.

“- okay Trev. I’m fine it was just easier.” 

A moment of silence.

“Yeah, I’ll be home today. Alright?”

Another moment.

“You too Trev. See you later. Oh, and please don’t tell the others. Especially MacLaren, he’ll never shut up.”

Ray waited another moment before nudging the door all the way and advancing into the room. Philip was perched on the sofa with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and his phone beside him.

Ray placed a mug on the coffee table in front of him and then sat down cradling his.

Philip murmured a thanks and took a sip.

“So, what are you up to today?” Ray asked.

Philip took another sip. “I was thinking of getting another piercing.” He played with the ring in his pierced ear thoughtfully.

“I’m off work today. I can take you to a good studio, if you want.” Ray said.

Philip glanced over and skimmed his ears. “You have a piercing?”

Ray huffed a laugh. “No, no. I’m too old now. I have a tattoo, though.”

Philip raised his eyebrows. “ _you_ have a tattoo?” 

Ray rolled his eyes, took another sip, placed his mug down and began to roll his sleeve up. He presented his underarm to Philip where a slightly faded but well-looked after tattoo lay strikingly against his skin. 

Philip placed his mug down and shifted closer. He took Ray’s arm carefully and turned it to the light.

An intricately shaded skull and roses tattoo stood out in faded black ink. Fascinated, Philip let go of his arm and sat back.

“That’s really cool,” he murmured.

Ray’s face heated and he ducked his head as he pulled the sleeve down. “I got it done a few years ago. It’s a cliche design but I like it.”

“Well, I’d like it if you could take me there,” Philip said, changing the subject at Ray’s obvious embarrassment.

Ray downed his drink. “You up to going in half an hour?”

***

The tattoo studio was one slightly off the centre of town in a small shop squashed between a bakery and a gym. Ray had seen someone he knew so Philip pushed open the door alone and ventured inside. A little bell rang, alerting someone at the desk. 

“How can I help you?” The receptionist said. He was a young man, perhaps mid twenties. His ears were littered with little hoops and a small stud sat under his lip. Philip tore his eyes away from his lips and met his eyes. “Uh, I want a piercing. Ear.” He brought his hand up to his lobe for extra measure.

“$20,” the receptionist said, producing a form and a pen. “Fill this out please then wait through there.”

Philip followed his pointed hand to a small doorway and nodded, quickly scribbling what he hoped was the original Philip Pearson’s signature and handing the form back.

The side room was made up of two surgical beds and a row of seats. A teenager was laying in one bed with an arm splayed out and the other playing on his phone. His eyes flicked up as Philip entered the room and followed him until he sat down on an uncomfortable-looking faux leather chair. Philip’s gaze met the teenager’s until it was finally broken by a quick smirk.

“Hey there old man,” he said to Philip.

Philip rolled his eyes. “I’m not that old.”

A raised eyebrow implied differently. “I’m Jake.”

“Philip.”

“So, what are you in for, Philip?”

Philip stared the kid down for a few moments. “This isn’t prison, kid. I’m getting my ear done.”

He nodded. “I’m getting a tattoo,” he replied, a little unnecessarily. 

Philip peered over at the tattoo to see a mess of green ink in the vague shape of flames.

“What is it?” He asked.

“A skull with green flames.”

Philip felt his lips twitch. “Why?”

Jake grinned. “Well, my dad has a skull tattoo so I thought I’d join the club, you know? And then my surname’s green, so its funny.” He seemed very practiced with his response.

That description of his dad rang a couple of bells in Philip’s head but the wires weren’t quite crossing to make a connection.

And then Ray walked in.

“Sorry about that Phil,” he said as he entered the room. “You still waiting?” 

Philip was about to answer when the kid spoke up again. “Moved on from mom that quick?”

Ray turned to face him and immediately sighed and pinched between his eyes. “Do you have to say that every time we see each other?”

Philip looked between them in bewilderment.

“Nice to see you too, Dad,” the kid said playfully. 

The wires finally crossed.

Ray sat down on the chair beside Philip. “Phil, this is my kid, Jake.”

“We’ve met.”

Ray ignored him. “Jake, my friend Phil.”

“We’ve met,” Jake replied mockingly. 

Philip sat quietly for a few moments while Ray and Jake caught up until a woman walked through the door.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” she said. “Ready?”

Philip nodded and made his way to the free bed, perching himself on top of it and playing with his hair awkwardly. 

“Okay, if you could just pull your hair out of the way.”

Philip held it away and shivered at the cold alcohol touching his skin.

“Three...two...one...”

The needle jabbed through his ear and Philip hid a wince. Another few seconds later a simple silver stud had been screwed in and Philip handed over the $20 bill. 

“Thanks,” he said, hand coming up to touch the new jewellery. The piercer lightly slapped his hand away. 

“No touching, surely you know that? You already have two.”

“Uh, yeah,” Philip agreed tightly, scurrying out of the room as quickly as possible.

He lurked outside the door for a few seconds until Ray joined him. 

“Sorry about you meeting Jake like that,” he said.

Philip smiled at him and began to walk towards Ray’s car. “Don’t worry about it.”

“He’s a good kid really, just struggled with me and his mom being separated.”

Philip dodged a small child loose on the pavement as he contemplated how to word his next question.

“Why did you separate?”

Ray glanced over at Philip for a split second before training his gaze directly in front of him. “We were never married anyway, but we both realised I’m more into men than women.”

Philip turned to look at Ray but he refused to meet his gaze.

“Yeah?” Philip asked. “I can relate to that.”

Ray lifted his gaze for a few seconds. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They walked in silence for a few seconds and Philip watched as a small smile spread over Ray’s face.

“Anyway, Caroline, Jake’s mom, didn’t exactly take it well. Slapped me and kicked me out. Jake still doesn’t really know what happened.” Ray continued as they approached the car.

Philip paused at the passenger door. “Why not?”

Ray shrugged. “I don’t really know.”

***

Ray pulled into the driveway of Philip’s garage home and cut the engine. “It was nice to see you, Phil.”

Philip smiled softly. “And you.” He crumbed out of the car and pressed the button to unlock the garage door. Ray waved briskly before reversing and driving away down the street. 

Philip slid open the door only to jump as he came face to face with Marcy.

“Marce, hey,” he said, pushing past her and moving towards his desk. His hands had begun to shake quite violently and he knew it was only so long he could put off shooting up. He just hoped he could wait until Marcy had left.

Her eyes drifted to his shakes but she didn’t mention anything. “Sorry for being here without you, Philip. I can’t really restock my medical bag at David’s.”

Philip sat down heavily at his desk chair and began to spin gently on it. “No trouble.” He smiled tightly.

Marcy sat on the desk. “So, how was the wedding?” 

“Pretty good, yeah.” 

She looked around. “So, where’s your suit? I never did get to see it.”

Philip winced. “Ah, sorry Marce. I, uh, think I left it at Ray’s.”

She sighed and stood back to, grabbing her medical bag. “Well, I had better get to see it eventually.”

“Bye Marcy!” Philip shouted as she left, door closing with a bang behind her.

Philip waited an entire 5 seconds before scrambling to his bathroom to dig out the little case. Sweat had started to appear as a slick sheen on his skin and in his hair and the tremors were getting incrementally worse. He fought open the little box and readied the needle. He pressed his eyes shut tight but a few tears escaped anyway. _I don’t want to do this_ he thought. 

The needle entered and the thought ended. He felt the tremors relax and slicked back his damp hair from his face. Philip stumbled into his bedroom and collapsed on his bed. 

He hated it.


End file.
